Whole hearted agree with this...

[jayene]

I'm a romantic... but not in relationships. I get a white rose at ren faire, it's become a tradition. Every year I always make sure Badger knows that I still want one ahead of time because nothing is more frustrating in a relationship then really wanting something and not getting it because your "hints" weren't as obvious as you thought they were or god forbid the other party isn't telepathic.

As I am winding through this year I keep going over need verses want. I'm writing my own vow for the wedding and the crux of it will center around the fact that I do not need Josh in my life. I want him, very much so, he makes me laugh and brings wonderful new perspective to my life. Plus he feeds me, the way to my heart is through the stomach (and if you want to get technical up through the ribs but who's violent).

We aren't doing a unity candle at the ceremony. I am not going to become him or vice versa. I don't want to say our lives will be parallel (since parallel lines never touch) overlapping sine curves seem to be my best analogy.

Read the article, it makes much sense.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/01/17/love.songs/index.html

Comments

[cedarlock.livejournal.com]

Well, it doesn't fit the description you gave above, but the line I'll always remember from a wedding (stolen from a country song): "I don't want the kind of love I can live with, I want the kind of love that I can't live without."

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

[jayene.livejournal.com]

I think that the trouble comes when you tie all your emotion up in one person (and this is not a discussion of polyamory vs monogamy). I need love, but I have several sources available to me, friends, friemly, some family, cats... if I needed the love that Josh and I have then there is suddenly a lot more dependence (and depence=evil) and pressure. You can't just be you, you have to be the one source of love that I have to have... or else. It's a lot scarier phrased that way.

I think wants are stronger long term. You want to play NERO and you do and you enjoy it. You need to breath, when was the last time you thought I really enjoy this breath? I don't need Josh to make me happy or anything at all really. I take care of myself and on the times when I need help I have a network of friends to help, Josh among them. I love his company, I love the way I feel when he puts his arm around me, I love waking up next to him and I can not wait to see the look in his eyes when we have our first child (after I beat him senseless for the pain of labor I'm sure).

I know I'm a cynic. Several times now I've walked away from people I cared about but ultimately were hurting me (ie my parents). I've seen the "love I can't live with out" used so many times as a justification as why someone can't leave an abusive or harmful relationship. And that isn't to say all cases are abusive in the least, but I feel that it is unfair to expect someone to become a need instead of a want.

[explosivespam.livejournal.com]

I don't think this cynical. I don't even think it unromantic. On the contrary, I think it's the kind of romance that will keep a person married their whole life.

[explosivespam.livejournal.com]

Everyone thinks that's what they want. But the fact is we eventually resent pretty much anything we can't live without.